trublu: The Extra Puzzle Piece

Have you ever felt like you just don't belong? Like no matter where you go, who you're with,you just don't fit in anywhere.

Lately I've been really down, I'm currently unemployed, and desperately looking for a job that I'll be happy with. The last job I had it got to the point where I would go to work and got literally sick to my stomach when i reached in front of the building. I purposely didn't go to work one day, and when I went back the next day, i picked up my check and cleaned off my desk and bounced! It felt like a heavy elephant rolling of my back as I strolled down the hall and out the building. To think about it i think I skipped out the building, lol. But anyway, I'm having a really tough time! I live with my much older sister who is a workaholic and in my opinion a control freak. I love her dearly but the "bitch" needs to hit a joint every once in awhile, she'd be a better person to be around.

I moved to Maryland once I finished school in North Carolina, I was living with my daughter's father at the time, and things where really rocky between us. My sister offered me a good paying job at her school and I accepted it and moved here about 3 years ago. It was exciting at first, then reality set in. I love my sister but sometimes I want to tell her about herself, but I keep my mouth closed, this is her house, and my grandmother taught me better. Well the school I was working in when I first moved here my employment there lasted 6 months, I wasn't used to teaching, had my degree is something totally not in education and one day I blanked out and had to quit.

I started working with a small insurance agency helping the owner and her daughter out, I liked it at first, after about two months I got my license, and without any formal training from day one began to teach myself the rules and procedures of this very small unorganized (in my opinion) agency. I was never a salesperson and was really not hired to "sell" anything, but with acquiring my license it became a part of my job description. I HATED begging people for their money,it's either they want the damn insurance or they don't! I am not the type of person to beg anyone for money, i'd rather go without it! So after a year I walked out. I've been looking for other employment ever since, that was six months ago. I have no real source of income, i live in this house with my sister who pays all the bills, and help me out if need be, and not to mention I have a four year old child who is in school. OMG, the past 5 moths have been HELL! Looking for a job, going to an interview not to be called back, it's so frustrating!

My sister's boyfriend has his own IT business which I was helping with for awhile, he can't or won't pay me the way I need to be paid. I have my degree, I am in graduate school, an hourly wage is not going to do anything for me but keep me in this house longer than I want to be! I wouldn't mind working for him at all, but I have a child, I need medical, dental, and life insurance benefits, which he has yet to offer, so, that ain't gon' work!

Well the point of this post is to say I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, i was in NC, I wasn't feeling that, i'm in MD, it's ok, but I want to get the heck away from this crazy lady who loves and it seems to live to control people's lives! Where do I belong? Am I supposed to stay here, move back to New York? I have no idea where and what I'm supposed to be doing?

I have this amazing talent and passion to do graphic design, but nobody is willing to sit down with me and help me. I need some type of training, especially with technique, the software i can play with and navigate on my own. I'm a very visual learner, a book ain't gon do it for me. That's why i was always so bored in school and hated going to class, IT WAS DREADFULLY BORING!!! I need some HELP!!! Anyway, this is what i love to do, here are some samples of my work: