I hate when men tell you they love you and they act like they hate you! What's the point of getting into a relationship if you're not willing to go all the way. Being with someone, spending time with them is very serious especially to females. We live by different rules, different views on life. I guess that's where the trouble lies.
I can give my heart to a person with no thought of them wanting to break it.
I'm hurting so bad right now, I'm lost, I'm sad, I've been neglected, misused, forgotten, ignored, and have had my heart stepped on one too many times! About a year or so ago I was at my wits end with my daughter's dad. I felt disrespected by his friends who didn't even know me, and who were so immature they didnt care to know me, or even take into consideration my feelings, and neither did he! I still love him! I feel like I don't even have a choice in the matter because i look at this beautiful child of ours and start to remember those days we were so consumed with each other even in just being there in each others presence. It hurts!
So to cure my hurt, I start talking to this dude I knew in H.S. Shit went good, he talked to me, made me feel IMPORTANT. He came to visit me from NY, when i was up there I would go see him, we really hit it off. It was a temporary fix to my problem. The love I had for my daughter's dad is still there, not even one ounce of it is gone. WHY? Why do I have to suffer as he goes on with his life! He has a girlfriend now, and also many many other female friends. Why do i continue to love this man who doesn't even see me, doesn't even notice that I'm loving him? I told the other guy I needed time to deal with my feelings, and he has some past issues he needs to deal with too. So lately I've been pretty much to myself. If he calls I tell him I'm not in the mood to talk.
My daughter's father came to visit for the weekend...it was her birthday! It was strange, like nothing changed but our conversation. The feeling was still there, or was it just me? We had general conversation. I wanted to talk to him so bad about "us" but everything else seemed to be telling me not to, like the fact that he's accumulated all these girls in his life, and he's in a relationship with someone else.
Today I find out he's considering moving to another state. That doesn't help my situation at all! I'm in panic mode! I text him to confirm it, he said he's thinking about it. "Is ------ going to move with you" I ask, he says "I don't thinkso..". What does that mean, either she is or she isn't! I just don't know what to do anymore. I had a brief text conversation with his sister, and I started thinking about all we went through, all the bad feelings started to surface again, I started to remeber why I left him, why we broke up. I don't want to go throught any of that again. However i'm still stuck with these feelings and I can't stop crying! i don't know if I'mbeing punished for some past trangresion but this shit sucks! I just need time to myself, i don't need to have anyone inmy life until i can deal with these feelings. How am I to deal with them if I dont know if his heart is still with me?
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